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Collateral Damages

I’m a year into single life after my breakup and I just started dating again a couple months ago. On the dates I’ve been on I’ve noticed that they always bring up their Ex in the conversation, leading to them questioning my breakup and telling me all about theirs. Why do people always bring up their Ex on first dates?

Unless they’re on probation for attacking or stalking their Ex, you really don’t need to know anything about the past relationship of your date this early in the game. A first date is suppose to be a tool to get to know a new potential love interest. Hearing all about their Ex defeats the purpose and is a sign that their Ex is still on their mind. Maybe they’re not over their Ex or maybe they’re not over the drama of the breakup, but there’s no maybe to the fact that this person isn’t ready to go on a first date if the Ex is still prominently in their rear-view mirror. Keep dating and eventually you’ll find someone who wants to talk about the now with you and not their past relationship.

When I was going through my breakup I was well aware and prepared for mutual friendships to change or totally dissolve. What I wasn’t prepared for was friendships I had independently to be affected. A few of my close friends totally treat me differently now and I don’t get it.

I’m sorry you’re experiencing the shift in dynamic, but at the same time I congratulate you for moving forward and making a positive change in your life. The reason I know you’re moving forward and making changes is because the friendship shift often is a side effect of a post-breakup life. Some friends can handle the new single you and sadly some can’t. All you can do is not place blame on yourself and always keep the door open for them because one day they may catch up with your progression. In the meantime include making new friends on your To Do list. It’s important to have new friends who know you in the now, and hopefully one day you’ll be able to integrate the new friends with the old.

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