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Cheaters, Choices and Confrontation


Things haven’t been good in my relationship, and I’ve long suspected that my partner is cheating.  My suspicions have been confirmed, and I’m now in the position of needing to confront him.  What’s the best way to confront a cheater?


Not an easy task, but obviously a necessary one.  Here are three things to keep in mind before initiating the conversation:


  • Be 100% sure of the facts and have the concrete proof before pointing the finger.  Operating on a hunch may pay off at the racetrack, but not so much with relationships.  Before you accuse your partner of cheating, you must have some indisputable facts to back up your claim.  Without the facts, you run the risk of presenting yourself as a little twisted.  Be armed with facts before the dialogue begins.

  • Be ready for any and all reactions from your partner. It’s human nature not to like being pinned against a wall with facts presented that shine a light on a negative character trait.  Your spouse may react in a myriad of ways, ranging from total confession and remorse to absolute and adamant denial. Seeing that you know this person better than most, you’ll be able to gauge how he'll respond.  Be on the ready to respond accordingly, and no matter what stay true to your blueprint of what you want moving forward.

  • Have a plan for what happens next.  Discovering that your partner is cheating is heartbreaking enough to endure, but there’s one more thing that’s even harder.  You need to think about yourself and what you truly want moving forward.  Before initiating the confrontation, you need to have a blueprint for your post-conversation future.  Ask yourself the hard questions of “If I move on, where will I live?” and “What needs to happen to facilitate a clean break?”.  And also ask yourself, “Is this something I can forgive and move past?”.  Your choice is exactly that- yours.  Have a clear and concise agenda planned as to what is best for you and be ready to implement immediately with confidence.


You owe it to yourself not to make a knee-jerk reaction to any breech of trust.  Of course you’re going to be angry, hurt, disappointed and the gamut of emotions that are brought to you by betrayal.  You have every right to work through those emotions before making any moves.  Remember it’s best to react with power as opposed to just giving a reaction fueled by emotion.  Take your moment- no matter how long it takes.  Weigh your options and process the situation before making a first step toward a conversation.  Regardless of the choices you make, you’ll be grateful you took the time to formulate your game plan before initiating the confrontation.



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