Late Starts, Early Finishes

I’ve been with the same man since I was 19, and we ended our relationship six months ago after 20 years together. I’m very late to the online dating thing. I’ve met some nice men, however they seem to lose interest because I won’t just have sex. I’ve only been with one man, and I’m not willing to just bed hop. Is there something wrong with me?

There’s only one thing wrong here, and it’s that you haven’t met the right guy who shares the same mindset. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get to know someone and take the long road to the bedroom. It’s called building a relationship. Some people are just not of that ilk- perhaps their mindset is not focused on a monogamous relationship as their end game. Guess what? That’s fine for them because there are a lot of guys that feel the same way they do. And what’s great for you is that there are also a lot of guys out there that want the same as you. Keep shaking the tree and the right apple will fall right in your lap!

I dated a guy for about a month, and we slept together on the fourth date. Haven’t heard a word from him since. Am I that bad in bed?

Nothing good can result from jumping to the worst-case scenario (it’s a horrible habit in the dating world, and a habit that needs to be broken). Maybe he just wanted sex and nothing more? Maybe he’s dating several people and he found a stronger connection with one of them? Maybe he forgot to say that he’s going on a three-month business trip? Maybe… he didn’t think you had a strong physical connection in the bedroom and he’s clueless about how to convey that?

The way to erase the maybe is to call him and kindly hold him to task. Asking, “No harm no foul, but we slept together after four dates and you vanished… what’s up with that?” is totally acceptable. Keep in mind you might not like the answer or he may not even answer, but either scenario will provide you with the closure you need.

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