Blame, Excuses and Forgiveness

I dumped my boyfriend after I found out he was cheating. He put up no fight whatsoever, and blamed me for his actions. Now I’m second-guessing everything I’ve done in the relationship, not to mention my skills in bed.

Please don’t do that- you weren’t part of your Ex’s decision to cheat. If there were problems in your relationship, he didn’t give you the respect of discussing it and trying to resolve the issue. He took the selfish way out, doing what made him feel better about himself with no regard to your feelings. You simply didn’t factor into his decision so there’s zero reason to point the finger of blame at yourself.

My boyfriend cheated, and he feels badly about it. He says it happened because he was drunk. Would you accept being drunk as an excuse for cheating?

Would he accept being drunk as your excuse for putting his laptop on the grill and firing it up? Most likely not because the “Sorry, I was drunk” plea is pretty lame. What he may be trying to say is that it was a one-time lapse of an impaired judgment, and that he will never do something so thoughtless and careless again.

Would you forgive a cheater?

Of course I would forgive a cheater. Forgiveness is one of the best gifts you can give yourself because you’re letting it go and removing those negative feelings from your orbit. Forgiving someone is acknowledging what they did was bad to you personally, but you understand and accept that they could do no better at that given point of time. Giving forgiveness to a cheater doesn’t necessarily mean you continue the relationship and it doesn’t necessarily mean you break up- every situation is different and you have to do what’s right for you.

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