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Rules of Commitment

I’ve been with my partner for almost three years and he refuses to consider marriage. He says he’s happy with the way things are and doesn’t want to “complicate” things legally. Of course this makes me feel like crap because I really want to make it legal and it hurts that he doesn’t. What should I do?

The only thing you can do is accept his choice… or not. You need to ask yourself if your relationship as it stands is enough for you. If it is, happily continue it knowing that you’ve most likely reached the highest level of commitment you’re going to achieve with him. If you’re positive that this level isn’t acceptable and you want more, then consider trying for the highest level of commitment with another guy.

I think everyone’s husband has an obnoxious friend, but mine has the worst. He’s impossible to be around because he constantly down talks everyone in the room, including my husband and me. Everyone in our circle agrees with me but my husband refuses to cut him loose. How can I get rid of this guy?

You’re ahead of the game because you know how this “friend” behaves on the playing field. Being caustic is a strategy played by the unconfident who need to beat down others to make themselves look better. Rather than banning him perhaps commit to a little grace- pull him aside and ask him why he sees the need to be mean to others. A gentle call-out may open the door for a little humanity coaching, and that alone might just do the trick. It may take a few tries, but the payoff would be great for everyone.

Do you think it’s possible to be in a committed relationship but still screw around? My partner suggested opening up our relationship sexually and I’m speechless.

If a committed couple agrees to a sexually open relationship, it doesn’t negate their commitment- it just means that their commitment allows for sexual expression with others. If this type of agreement doesn’t work for you, tell your partner that an open relationship isn’t going to work.

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