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Distances and Decisions

My partner and I have been together for five years and we’re discussing marriage. It’s the next logical step for us and we both want that commitment. The problem (not for us) is that in all the time we’ve been a couple we haven’t lived together and even with marriage our feeling is that we want to maintain two separate homes. Of course down the road we might change our minds but for now living “separately together” works for us. How do we handle the naysayers?

Your marriage, your rules of the highway. People question what they don’t understand and that includes relationships that differ from theirs. The best wedding gift they can give is to not understand quietly as you two enjoy your happily ever after in two castles.

Do you think long distance relationships really have a chance of working?

If two people want to build a life together they can and should do so- regardless of how that may look. When you think of classic marriage vows you’re not going to find “love honor and cherish as long as we’re in the same zip code”. So yes, a long distance relationship can work, however…

There will come a time when you both tire of the distance and want to be in that same zip code. When that day comes, compromises will be expected and action must be taken. If the long distance relationship can survive and thrive after making that transition, I’d say they’re great to go for the long haul.

My Ex and I broke up- we’re totally civil and we’ve been able to create what has become a mutually valued friendship. Because financially it would be a strain on both of us to move we’ve decided to be roommates. Everyone thinks we’re crazy to have this arrangement and have been quite vocal about it. Are we nuts?

I wouldn’t say you’re nuts; I would ask if the two of you really discussed what dating others would look like. Have you talked about dating new people and bringing others home? If you haven’t covered that topic I would strongly suggest you do. It’s hard enough to get back into the dating world after a breakup and your living situation has the potential to make it harder. A mutual understanding of the rules you create is the sanest thing to do.

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