Choice Beefs


My girlfriend is incapable of making a decision. Every date, every trip every thing is my call because she refuses to make a choice. How can I get her to change this annoying habit?


It’s not so much about making her change; it’s more about creating a safe environment for her to feel confident about making a choice that might turn out to be a bad one. Somewhere along the way she was probably mistreated about making a choice in good faith that ended up not so great. The words she heard might have stuck, thus her habit was born. So instead of changing her, change up how you present a choice to her. Tell her that you could either go to A or B and tell her that it’s totally up to her and that no matter what you’re going to love it because you’re with her. Enjoy her choice, praise her choice and repeat. If the choice turns out to be not so great, remind her that you’re still having fun because you’re together. Eventually her confidence will increase and making decisions will become second nature.


I hate that my husband smokes. He’s a considerate smoker but still I hate it. How can I get him to quit?


There’s nothing you can do but to let him make the choice himself. The more you poke at him about it the longer it will take him to quit. If you’re actively telling him to quit, change your tactic by saying that you’re done complaining because he knows how you feel and that the choice to put down the lighter is his and only his. Give it some time and I bet you see a change.


My fiancee and I are planning our wedding and even though I’m presented with options I know the choice has already been made. Sometimes we agree but when there’s a difference of opinion I always lose out. How should I handle this?


This is why we have wedding planning… it’s a practical experiment to see how couples handle conflict, time management and stress. You can say nothing, knowing that this trend may continue into your marriage, or you can speak up when something chosen doesn’t sit well with you. It’s OK to say “no”, followed by “let’s find a compromise” and stick on that road until a compromise is found and utilized.

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