Judgement Gay


My friend decided to date a couple, and after a few months of seeing each other it appears to have developed into a relationship. He’s even talking about moving in with them as this is what all three want. How can I talk him out of this?

Let’s see… your friend is happy and you want to talk him out of pursuing it? Yeah… don’t do that. Just because his happiness doesn’t look the same as yours doesn’t mean his happiness is wrong. For some, being part of a Throuple is a road to happily ever after. Just because your roadmap differs doesn’t mean your judgement should lead to interrupting his journey. Be a good friend and offer positive confirmation of your support, not negative criticism of his choice.

My friend has been single for a year and I’m trying to get him to try online dating. He refuses and I’m frustrated because I know he’ll be happier with a boyfriend.

When your friend is ready to date, he’ll date. It’s his call and he’ll make it when he’s ready. Does your friend seem frustrated over his relationship status? If he's not frustrated there's no reason for you to be.

Before this COVID thing started I was interviewing for a new job, and in April I was offered the position. It requires moving cross country, and my friends are giving me a lot if grief about it. They’ve even resorted to shaming me for thinking of moving during a pandemic. What can I do to make the judgement stop?

The judgement may never stop but you can sure quit giving their judgmental words the power to negatively affect you. Relocation happens, and it sounds like you have a great reason for it (congrats on the new gig!). Even with social distancing and masking, you actually can plan and orchestrate a move that’s both responsible and safe. Don't let disparaging words deflect from the excitement of your new adventure. If you're not excited you should be!

As for your friends, chances are their judgement is simply a manifestation of them not wanting to lose you. You can be the bigger person and offer "friendship assurance" to all, but place most of your focus on the friends who get it and support you.

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