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Better Late than Never

I’m a 48-year-old gay man with a heterosexual past that’s being held against me in the gay dating world. Coming out to my Ex was easy compared to some of the responses I’ve received from other gay men. Dating has been hard because the guys I meet judge me for not coming out sooner. They also have no interest in dating a guy with kids because it’s perceived as baggage. What am I doing wrong that’s making me attract these kind of people?

Some people get so bogged down with when you arrived at the party instead of embracing the fact that you actually showed up. There’s no race when it comes to coming out or any other facet of acceptance leading an individual to live their best, authentic life. If someone has a problem with you not being a Gold Star Gay, it’s their problem. As for potential dates not open to a man with kids, it’s best to learn that up front so you can move on to others who will. Yes, dating can be super frustrating, but if you keep your eye on the prize and continue wading through the muck, you’ll remember that good things come to those who wait.

I was married to a woman for 10 years before coming out. I’m out to most of my family and some of my co-workers and the problem is that my new boyfriend isn’t satisfied with that. He feels I should be out 100% otherwise I’m a total fake and ashamed of my relationship with him.

Coming out is a one-man show… a producer, writer, director and star all rolled into one. Your boyfriend needs to understand that your coming out isn’t about him; it’s about you, your comfort and your timeline. Of course nobody wants an angry boyfriend, so give him some reassurance that your “out status” has no reflection on your relationship and in fact your relationship is a super-big check mark in the plus column to being 100% out. Hopefully he gets it but regardless in this situation you call the shots.

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