I’m a divorced mother of two teenagers and have been single for three years. My divorce was relatively painless compared to most. He didn’t abuse me or cheat on me- he just honestly came out. I get it, and even though it was a rug pulled from under me, I’d rather know and rather my children have an honest father. Through it all, we co-parent like rock stars and we’re good friends. I’ve met his boyfriend and I really like him and have zero concerns about him being around my kids. The problem? My friends think I’m insane. They think my reactions and acceptance is wrong.
Guess it’s a good thing your Ex married you and not one of your friends, right? Of course your friends are concerned for your well-being as you begin your next chapter. All you can do is re-assure them that you’re happy and the happiness includes a great relationship with your Ex. And the most important dose of happy goes to your children because they can be around both parents and not wear crash helmets. Not everyone is going to understand, and that’s ok… they don’t have to get it.
My Ex-Husband came out after our divorce. I wish he had done it sooner because it would have explained A LOT! We were friends before the marriage and will remain friends after, which was never a question as our marriage ended. He’s entered into a new relationship, which is great except in the eyes of our kids. They are hesitant to meet their father's boyfriend and get to know him.
It may be a scenario where your kids feel disloyal towards you if they meet and begin a relationship with their father’s new partner. As their mother, you could reinforce the notion that there’s no betrayal by liking their father’s boyfriend. With your reassurance and seal of approval, I bet their willingness to meet him will suddenly appear. Your Ex is very fortunate to have such a great friend, and some guy out there will eventually find one hell of a great girlfriend in you!
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