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Coming Out and Keeping In

I’m a divorced dad in my 40s and I’m petrified of coming out. To make it worse, I’m dating a great guy and I’m afraid I’m going to blow it because my fear is making him feel like a dirty little secret. Help!

That’s a rough one, but you’ve got some great things going in your favor. You ended your past relationship before beginning your current one, showing courage, character and respect for your Ex. That’s a strong and positive message to send your children. Another thing in your favor is that kids are exceptionally accepting of parents coming out. Yet another thing in your favor is the Internet. I would search for an online support group or perhaps one in your area and speak with other men that were in the same predicament. Hearing their stories and learning from their experiences will be most helpful.

Funny thing about fear… it always makes us think the worst-case scenario. Try thinking about what life would look like if you were out. Perhaps living honestly and openly gives a greater pay-off than what fear is offering. You’ve got this!

When it comes to my Ex, how should I handle him on social media? Should I de-friend and block?

If you have an Order of Protection, you should’ve already de-friended and blocked and if not please do so immediately. For breakups that don’t involve court orders, I believe you shouldn’t de-friend and block. I also believe it’s a mistake to delete every pic from the duration of your relationship. Those pics are part of your history, and like it or not your Ex played a part in creating the person you are today. There’s no reason to delete a block of your life because of a breakup.

Block their feed so you don’t have to see their postings and just let them be. If they want to see yours let them, as it should make no difference to you. In the words of Kandi Burruss, “Let ‘em see what winning looks like.”.

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